Jonny Gray revealed there were times he feared his Scotland career was over before he banished almost two years in the Test wilderness with an “emotional” return in Saturday’s Guinness Six Nations victory over Italy.
The 30-year-old lock won his 78th cap at the weekend in what was his first national team appearance since the home game against the same opposition in March 2023.
In between those two Murrayfield outings against the Azzurri, Gray’s career was derailed by a 16-month lay-off with a serious knee injury sustained while playing for previous club Exeter in their Champions Cup semi-final away to La Rochelle in April 2023.
At a low ebb as he was forced to sit out the 2023 World Cup in France and last year’s Six Nations, the second-rower – who eventually returned to action after landing a move to Bordeaux Begles last summer – worried his days as a Test player were behind him.
“Yeah, I did, if I’m being honest,” said Gray, occasionally pausing to keep his emotions in check. “There was a lot of doubt. I’m just thankful for how blessed I am to get out and play at Murrayfield again.
“It’s been a while, it’s been a tricky almost two years now. I’ve definitely learned a lot and questioned a lot of things. You have to think about some things and how you get there and stuff, but I’m just so thankful for the people who stuck by me.
“I’m thankful for the journey I’m on, and to be back at Murrayfield, it was just emotion… It’s always emotional when you play here, but to have that chance again was huge for me.
“I was a bit of a mess on the bus on the way in, if I’m being honest. I’ve never taken playing for Scotland for granted, but Saturday’s game in particular, I’ll remember for a long time.”
There was further doubt about Gray’s international future when, after playing regularly in the opening months of the Top 14 campaign for Bordeaux, he turned down the chance of a Scotland call-up for the autumn series, with head coach Gregor Townsend saying in October that he was “disappointed” with his decision.
Speaking for the first time about that situation, Gray said: “It was a hard decision. I think every 15 minutes, I was questioning if I was making the right one or not because obviously I managed to get back to playing rugby and then had the opportunity, potentially, to play international.
“I made myself unavailable and spoke to the club and spoke to Gregor, and I can understand the frustrations here, but it was more (a case of) at some points I thought I wasn’t going to get back to rugby, so I thought the best way to put myself in good shape to sustain going forward was not to play in the November window. But, trust me, it wasn’t an easy decision.
“I went from nothing to playing quite a bit of rugby at the start (of this season), which was great. You see the intensity of international matches so it was just to make a plan there.
“I got a month off of rugby (in November), and then I did my ankle in the second game back which wasn’t part of the plan, but that was the reason for my decision.”
Gray revealed a debt of gratitude to Bordeaux for placing their faith in him last summer.
“I’m really grateful to UBB because I was out for over a year and they still went ahead and signed me,” he said. “To have belief like that in someone they don’t know, it was massive for me.
“If someone’s showing you that much belief, all you want to do is repay that, so hopefully I’m doing all right for them. I’m loving it in France, I’m enjoying my rugby. I’m not looking far ahead at all. I’m just trying to be present there.”
The Scots started their Six Nations with a 31-19 victory, but only after letting a 19-6 lead slip as Italy levelled things up at 19-19 heading into the final quarter.
Gray admits his side will have to sharpen up ahead of Sunday’s visit of Ireland.
“I think Scotland of old would have maybe panicked a lot more at 19-19, but the biggest thing is we found a way to win,” said the forward.
“Sometimes in the past, if we’re being honest, we’ve messed up those games. It’s a great start for us, but we know we have to get better.”
