Boredom is good for kids. Here's why — and how parents can help them embrace it. - chof 360 news

Millennial parents of today’s generation of kids grew up in a unique, budding world of technology, which also coexisted during a time of pure, organically created boredom. It was a time when weekend schedules weren’t hijacked by kids’ sports activities, enrichment classes or playdates.

“Growing up, I was in that special era before smartphones and technology were really a big deal,” Emily Feret, social media influencer and mom of two kids, tells chof360 Life. “I have vivid memories of sitting on a computer with my best friend playing The Sims for hours on end. But most of the time I was playing in my backyard. Playing in my playroom. Heading over to friends’ houses.”

There were also more opportunities for kids to be bored: running errands with your parents and having to wait in line at the post office, or taking a long trip without endless entertainment at your fingertips. By contrast, today’s kids seem to be constantly scheduled or have access to a tablet or their parent’s smartphone.

A 2024 OnePoll survey commissioned by Elmer’s found that the average American parent has to come up with four new activities daily to keep their children entertained. And while parents think their kids have good imaginations, the survey found that U.S. kids get bored in just 33 minutes.

A 2017 Gallup poll, funded by toy company Melissa & Doug, found that only about 1 in 5 parents (in the U.K., Canada and Australia) strongly agreed that it can be good for kids to “be bored now and then.”

“I think the true trick is you have to let your kids be bored,” Feret said. “Even if that idea is a little uncomfortable or new for them at first. It eventually will open up doors to creativity, imagination and problem-solving.”

So, what are the benefits of being bored? And how can parents help their kids — the ones moaning “I’m sooo bored” — work through it rather than rushing to find some new distraction? Here’s what experts say.

What is boredom?

Boredom gets a bad rap because it’s associated with an uncomfortable feeling of not knowing what to do with oneself.

“I would describe it as the state of discomfort when your mind is not occupied or externally directed towards a specific goal,” Darby Saxbe, professor of psychology at the University of Southern California, tells chof360 Life.

What’s happening when kids say they’re bored?

Kids can become bored when they’re understimulated and can’t help themselves find something to do. Or there are plenty of activities to choose from, but they don’t know how to engage. That could have something to do with how kids’ brains develop, according to Linda Caldwell, prevention scientist and professor emeritus at Penn State University.

“Their prefrontal cortex, the decision-making control area of the brain, continues to develop from a young age,” Caldwell explains. In order for younger kids to help themselves out of boredom, they can learn that they themselves have the ability to change a situation, though their solution may not be as sophisticated as that of an adolescent, she adds.

Nancy Darling, professor of psychology at Oberlin College, says it also depends on the individual kid and their “intrinsic motivation,” or drive to do something. “Some kids are really good at figuring out what to do with themselves when they have nothing to do, and other kids are very passive.”

And when a kid is presented with activities that are of specific interest to them but they refuse to engage, they could be telling you they’re more than just “bored.”

“They don’t mean ‘I’m actually bored.’ They mean ‘I refuse to engage in this activity.’ And that can be a form of resistance,” Darling says, adding that children often just don’t want to be bossed around. “And that gets even more true in adolescence.”

“I’m bored” can also cover a whole slew of emotions, according to Jodi Musoff, educational specialist at the Child Mind Institute.

“It’s just an expression that something’s not right. It can mean ‘I’m nervous, I’m anxious,’” Musoff explains. “I think it can be a filler phrase for kids when they don’t know how to express how they’re really feeling.”

Are kids more or less bored today?

“Mom/Dad, I’m boooooored” is a phrase as old as time. With the prevalence of screens and instant access to entertainment, most of the experts chof360 Life spoke with don’t think kids are necessarily more bored today.

Saxbe, however, does think that kids today have a lower tolerance for boredom or stillness. “I think kids are more vulnerable to feeling bored more easily, because their brains have been so sculpted by access to entertainment,” she explains.

Musoff says exposure to dopamine-producing entertainment on screens makes it hard for kids to focus on activities that aren’t as stimulating, like reading a book or coloring.

“Different sorts of quiet activities will now feel boring to kids after being accustomed to having so much stimulation all the time,” she says. “It can be very hard for kids to transition from really stimulating activities to quiet activities that take a lot of focus and attention in lieu of the stimulation.”

Is boredom good for kids?

Yes, to some degree, experts tell chof360 Life. Most kids who experience boredom can foster patience, problem-solving and distress tolerance.

Saxbe says giving kids the time and space to be understimulated is important. “[It’s] healthy for [kids to develop] distress tolerance, which I think is a really core feature of resilience to a lot of mental illness. Whether that be anxiety or depression, the ability to sit with discomfort is a really valuable strength for kids to cultivate,” she explains.

Boredom can help kids develop executive function skills, which includes planning, time management and figuring out what materials are needed for a certain activity, according to Musoff.

Darling sees the benefits of boredom as a way for kids to discover what they enjoy doing when they’re younger and “how to fill boredom in a fun way.” She says when kids get older, they’ll be used to the feeling of boredom and will have “better ideas about what to do when they’re bored than getting into trouble.”

On the flip side, extended periods of boredom for kids, like during the COVID-19 pandemic, can be harmful. “Being left alone with their thoughts for extended periods of time is not great for kids’ mental health,” Musoff says. She says that as a result of the pandemic, some kids weren’t as excited to leave the house and became homebodies satisfied by screens.

What can parents do?

“I think a lot of parents kind of internalize this idea that ‘I’m supposed to play with and find ways to stimulate my kids all day long,’” Saxbe says. She suggests reframing what we think our job is as a parent. This can be withdrawing some activities and attention to our kids, without, of course, being cruel or neglectful.

“I do think there’s a lot of benefit for parents, especially with young kids, to try to cultivate opportunities for boredom,” Saxbe says, such as not having screens in front of kids while out to dinner. “Developing that sort of tolerance, which I think can also lead to more mindful contemplation, is really valuable.”

Some parents agree, and are mindful of trying to find a good balance between scheduling activities and cultivating that unscheduled, unstimulated time for their kids.

Florencia, a mother of 5-year-old twins in New York City, says she feels school and after-school activities are “already a lot for them.” That’s why she says she tries to “maintain a consistent schedule for their free time” and avoids overbooking her kids on the weekends.

Meanwhile, Feret says her kids are now “really great at occupying themselves. I achieved that by letting them be bored. I did not fill every second with entertainment, [and] instead gave them the opportunity to be creative.”