CR7 HITS THE BIG 4-0
Cristiano Ronaldo turns 40 today and celebrated in trademark style, posing for a picture in his time-machine cryo-trousers. Hurrah! Looks like a right laugh. Here are 40 slightly more memorable moments, good and bad (and in no particular order), since his rise to fame as a teenager at Sporting.
1. Ronaldo completely writes off his Ferrari after hurtling into a roadside barrier in a tunnel near Manchester airport (he walks away unscathed).
2. Ronaldo nearly takes the head off a cameraman with a wayward free-kick in Saudi Arabia.
3. Ronaldo agrees to pay a €19m fine to settle a tax fraud case.
4. Ronaldo poses next to his statue at the newly-named Aeroporto Cristiano Ronaldo in Madeira.
5. The Madeira sculptor has another go at making the statue, “with disastrous results”.
6. When Nike photoshopped a picture of Ronaldo as a boy (in which he was wearing an Adidas jumper).
7. A genuinely nice moment as " target="_blank" class="link"> Sir Alex Ferguson patiently waits to congratulate Ronaldo after Portugal’s Euro 2016 win.
8. The Shopee advert, " target="_blank" class="link"> obviously.
9. A nice little chat with Piers Morgan.
10. This “obscene” celebration (for which Ronaldo was fined €20,000).
11. " target="_blank" class="link"> Ronaldo v Homer Simpson.
12. Whatever this is.
13. A $1bn lawsuit for promoting Binance NFTs.
14. Casually signing for Juventus for €100m at the age of 33.
16. Storming through a mixed zone of journalists after a 2019 Big Cup first-leg defeat to Atlético Madrid, and remarking, “I won five Champions Leagues and these guys zero”.
17. Ronaldo would " target="_blank" class="link"> score a hat-trick in the second leg to overturn the tie and send Juventus to the quarter-finals.
18. This Peter Drury monologue as Ronaldo returns to Manchester United for a second spell.
19. Gary Neville coaches Ronaldo " target="_blank" class="link"> through his first interview in English.
20. When Ronaldo " target="_blank" class="link"> scored this outrageous bicycle kick at Juventus in the 2017-18 Bigger Cup, his strike coming 7ft 8in off the ground.
21. The look on David James’s face, " target="_blank" class="link"> here.
22. " target="_blank" class="link"> Ronaldo’s absurd header in the 2008 Big Cup final (and his penalty miss in the shootout).
23. " target="_blank" class="link"> This header, against Sampdoria for Juve, was better though.
24. Ah, wait. This header, against Roma for United, takes the biscuit.
25. The tragic death of his baby son.
26. This " target="_blank" class="link"> ridiculous strike against Porto in the 2008-09 Big Cup.
27. Same year, same competition (semi-final second leg at Arsenal), also 40+ yards from goal, " target="_blank" class="link"> same result. Oh, and scoring one of the great counterattacking goals later in the same game to put the Gunners to bed.
28. When Steven Taylor called Ronaldo “ugly” in a very 2000s tunnel bust-up.
29. When Real Madrid claimed in 2008 that they had ended their interest in Ronaldo for good.
30. Ah.
31. This 2015 tour of his house in Madrid (which has got nothing on " target="_blank" class="link"> Luís Boa Morte showing up in a Corsa to show us round his gaff in one of the most electrifying MTV Cribs episodes ever broadcast).
32. " target="_blank" class="link"> La Decima. There could only be one man to seal Madrid’s win.
33. Ronaldo’s threads on his first day at Manchester United. Yikes!
34. This " target="_blank" class="link"> miss at Sheffield United in 2006.
35. His " target="_blank" class="link"> debut for Sporting in October 2002.
36. Moody Ronaldo + reporter = microphone in a lake.
37. " target="_blank" class="link"> “Maybe someone doesn’t like me because I’m too good?” Ronaldo responds to diving accusations.
38. " target="_blank" class="link"> This lunging tackle on Ronaldo by Phil Neville (that the Englishman later admitted was the reason he was accepted by Everton fans).
39. " target="_blank" class="link"> This tackle on Ronaldo by Wayne Rooney. Just a yellow.
40. Ronaldo v Rooney, " target="_blank" class="link"> part two. Sadly not just a yellow.
Happy birthday Ronnie, you brilliant, infuriating, cringy old git. Time to hang up the boots?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
There’s a balance. I think we all like to see celebrations. Some of the celebrations have been very funny, entertaining, but there’s a line. Once it crosses over into mockery or criticism, then we would need to deal with it – Tony Scholes, the Premier League’s chief football officer, tells Sky that players could face sanctions for goal celebrations that make fun of opponents in future.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
How could anyone possibly confuse Carlos Jonas ‘Charly’ Alcaraz Durán with Carlos Alcaraz Garfia (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs)? Charly is seven centimetres shorter and undoubtedly has an inferior backhand” – Max Maxwell.
It’s kind of Mike Wilner to offer Marcus Rashford’s services to Nottingham Forest, but we already have an attacker who Manchester United didn’t deem good enough and practically gave away. He’s not doing too badly” – Jim Hearson.
Despite its minute font size, the caption beneath your photo of the newly unveiled design for Wrexham’s proposed Kop stand (‘Looks pretty good, to be fair’ ) screamed ‘cognitive dissonance’ to me. It looks neither ‘pretty’ nor ‘good’ nor ‘fair’, even in a year when The Brutalist has been nominated for an Oscar. Perhaps I’ve just spent too little time at the Gedling Inn” – Clinton Macsherry.
Further to the unexpected, or should that be inexplicable, generosity of ‘The Gedling Inn’ (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), might I suggest a congenial way to bring back drinking in stadiums? When the ref goes to the monitor, every supporter gets a free whiskey chaser. If a VAR decision is needed, pints all round. Personally, I’ll go with whatever the bods in the VAR burger van decide, when I am on my fifth lager” – Aram Raworth (hic!).
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Clinton Macsherry. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Get your ears round the latest edition of Football Weekly here.
MOVING THE GOALPOSTS
In this week’s newsletter: meet Club YLA, the Club Brugge women’s team with their own name and branding, inspired by a die-hard super fan. Rich Laverty has more.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Manchester City have condemned the “vile individuals” who sent racist abuse to their striker Khadija Shaw after their WSL defeat by Arsenal on Sunday. City have reported it to the police and added: “Bunny has decided not to share the messages publicly so as not to give the oxygen of publicity to the vile individuals who sent them.”
In the latest instance of big club special pleading managers expressing concern about workload, Arne Slot has called for 23-player match-day squads to be allowed in England. “I don’t understand why we don’t go to 23 in this country because in this country, we play the most games,” harrumphed the Liverpool boss.
The latest nepo-baby to make a name for himself on merit is Atlético Madrid’s Giuliano Simeone, son of hard-nosed gaffer Diego, who struck twice as Atléti walloped Getafe 5-0 in the Copa del Rey quarter-finals. On a busy night of domestic cup action in Europe, there were also wins for PSG, Stuttgart and Bologna, while Real Madrid will be without the knacked Jude Bellingham and Kylian Mbappé against Leganés on Wednesday.
Adam Armstrong has joined West Brom on loan, meaning the highlight of the season at Southampton is destined to be that shirt-giving ceremony.
The Premier League has poked the referee-hysteria wasps’ nest by insisting that English refereeing standards are “a model” for the world.
National League clubs are risking a row with the EFL after demanding that three teams per season are promoted to League Two. “Two-up, two-down is simply unfair,” harrumphed chief National League suit Mark Ives.
Thomas Tuchel’s England side are reportedly set to play a summer friendly at the City Ground, with Senegal their likely opponents on 10 June.
And Middlesbrough full-back Tommy Smith has announced his retirement at the age of 32 after failing to recover from an achilles injury.
PARKER THE BUS
Last season, Burnley conceded 78 Premier League goals under Vincent Kompany, whose commitment to attacking football left his team leaking an average of just over two goals every game. In their first three games, all at home, they conceded 11 goals. Then over the summer, Bayern came calling for Kompany and the Clarets turned to Scott Parker. Having steered Fulham and Bournemouth to the top flight, Parker looked a decent choice – but no one expected him to become the new Tony Pulis.
Burnley have been transformed into one of Europe’s best defensive sides, conceding a parsimonious nine goals in 31 games – a goals-per-game ratio of 0.29 that even outstrips José Mourinho’s 2004-05 Chelsea side. Currently on a run of eight straight clean sheets, including five goalless draws, Parker’s Burnley vintage may not be much fun to watch, but they are on track to get back to the Premier League and might just be a bit harder to break down if they get there.
RECOMMENDED SHOPPING
Big Website’s bookshop has a host of great new tomes waiting to be added to your basket. There’s My Beautiful Sisters by Khalida Popal and David Squires’ latest brilliant collection of cartoons: Chaos in the Box. Get shopping!
STILL WANT MORE?
Frank Lampard’s Coventry have started climbing the table since they became Frank Lampard’s Coventry in November. Michael Butler looks at how the doubters have been silenced thus far.
Ben McAleer is all over the Rumbelows Cup semi-finals and offers his predictions and previews here.
Andy Brassell has the lowdown on Mathys Tel and why the teenager has the potential to sparkle at Spurs.
Suzanne Wrack picks over another underwhelming transfer window for Arsenal’s women and the risk that they’ll be left behind.
And Europeans excelling in South American club football. Teams with no goals of the month. The Knowledge knows about these and others.
MEMORY LANE
Here, the Australian cricket team celebrate retaining the Ashes at the Oval in 1975 – but why were they all wearing West Ham tops? Answers on a postcard.
