Cristiano Ronaldo turns 40 on Wednesday and is sure to celebrate as only he knows how. A huge night out in Riyadh beckons: lock up your mineral water. Perhaps there will be some indulgences too; 40 birthday chin-ups? Down from the usual 400.
Of course Ronaldo’s favourite hobby is vanquishing his enemies. Usually this happens on the pitch, with increasing ease since moving to Saudi Arabia albeit before a decreasing audience. But Ronaldo has taken an opportunity to fire some shots at unnamed managers who have wronged him in an interview with the Spanish TV channel LaSexta.
“I don’t have a favourite coach,” he said, ominously. “I learnt from everyone.” Phew. All former bosses breathe a sigh of relief. Then: “I’ve had very bad coaches.” Oh dear.
“They don’t have a f---ing idea about football.” That’s torn it.
No managers were named in this drive-by, although the field could perhaps be narrowed based on Ronaldo’s specifications for managerial worth. “He has to have been a player before,” he said. “If he hasn’t been in a dressing room, it’s very difficult, impossible. If you look at history, of the 50 best, 48 have been players.”
Which rules out… Actually, probably no one. We have checked the records and Ronaldo has not played under have-a-go heroes without significant playing careers like Andre Villas-Boas, Avram Grant or Ron Noades. So who is he talking about? Let us assess the leading candidates.
Sir Alex Ferguson
Come on now.
Cluelessness rating: 0/10
Jose Mourinho
After a brief spell under the tutelage of Manuel Pellegrini at Real Madrid, too kindly a gent to deserve any criticism, Ronaldo formed a Portuguese dream* team with Mourinho. Shock horror: the relationship between them became frosty at times, but there has been a thawing in recent years.
Cluelessness rating: 3/10
*Your dreams may differ from those of Mourinho, Ronaldo and the nation of Portugal
Carlo Ancelotti
Hard to imagine even fans of Barcelona or Internazionale having much negative to say about Ancelotti, so certainly not Ronaldo who once described the Italian as: “Like a big bear. He’s a cute guy, such a sensitive person.”
Cluelessness rating: 1/10
Rafael Benítez
Spanish paper El País alleged that Benítez sent Ronaldo a USB stick with footage to help him improve. Bold move. Ronaldo supposedly said he would send back a USB stick filled with his goals. It’s like the Spanish Civil War, if both sides were total nerds. Benítez has since said their relationship was better than reported but tough to imagine Ronaldo thinks too kindly of the former Real Madrid, Liverpool and Chelsea interim manager.
Cluelessness rating: 6/10
Zinedine Zidane
You would have to be a brave or deluded man to accuse one of the greatest footballers of any era of knowing nothing about the sport. Ronaldo has also said Zidane made him “feel special”. Even more so.
Cluelessness rating: 1/10
Maurizio Sarri
Ronaldo’s bridging manager at Juventus, in between the distinguished pair of Massimiliano Allegri and Andrea Pirlo, who are surely both too clued-up to qualify. Sarri will be remembered as much for his prolific smoking as his footballing achievements but Ronaldo scored 31 times in 33 games under him. Sarri insisted they had a good relationship, plenty in the Italian press thought otherwise.
Cluelessness rating: 6/10
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer
Now we’re getting somewhere
Cluelessness rating: 7/10
Erik ten Hag
Did not want to build for the future around an ageing and immobile forward, so froze Ronaldo out of a team in which Antony was starting. The Dutchman then forced Ronaldo to watch that team from the bench. “I don’t have respect for him because he doesn’t show respect for me,” Ronaldo said to Piers Morgan, in an interview that sped up his exit from United. “If you don’t have respect for me, I’m never gonna have respect for you.”
There can be no better demonstration of a manager’s ineptitude (to Cristiano Ronaldo). We have a winner!
Cluelessness rating: 10/10
