Jos Buttler called the Champions Trophy a brutal format before the start of the tournament but in the end it proved mercifully short. Had this been a World Cup, stretched out over weeks to milk even more television money, England could easily have surpassed that bleak title defence in India 18 months ago by way of ignominy.
Instead, it was off to the airport, via the hotel, after this third and final defeat; the first time they have exited a global event without a single group win. South Africa, who topped Group B with a crushing seven-wicket win, were doing the same, even if the farcical schedule – dictated by India having to play all their games in Dubai – meant they did not know whether the gulf state would actually be the scene of their semi-final.
Related: England set South Africa target of 180 to win: Champions Trophy cricket – live
Should India beat New Zealand on Sunday and top Group A, the Proteas will have to fly straight back to Lahore. Should New Zealand win, Australia will be the ones doing the Abe Simpson impression, having touched down in Dubai on Saturday. There are times it is hard to take cricket seriously and this situation feels very much one of them.
For England, pressing recline on the business class seats will represent sweet relief after a two-month ordeal on the subcontinent. They have lost 10 of their 11 white-ball matches since the start of the year, the last of which proved the nadir. Not even Buttler announcing his resignation as captain on the eve of this one could spark something, a sorry slide to 179 all out in 38.2 overs and the target wiped out with 19.5 to spare.
Only two English batters, Ben Duckett and Joe Root, have looked in any semblance of nick during this campaign. And as things got underway in front of sparsely-populated stands, there was always the suspicion that neither man firing might prompt something grisly. Duckett and Root made 24 and 37 respectively, the rest stayed true to form.
Buttler, who walked out in the 17th over, and was soon trying to rebuild from 114 for six, tried to dig deep for 21 without hitting a single boundary. Perhaps this was simply a cursed match for captains, Temba Bavuma having missed out due to illness and his replacement, Aiden Markram, walking off in the first innings with a sore hamstring.
Even with this disruption and a couple of chances missed, South Africa’s attack was pretty slick, as Marco Jansen, the wiry left-armer with the Officer Crabtree moustache, claimed three for 39 and held two sparkling catches. The first, haring from long-on and diving full stretch, snuffed out Harry Brook for 19 – an innings that actually lifted his ODI average for the year to 16.6. And right now, Brook appears favourite to replace Buttler.
The only player to perform the role recently is Liam Livingstone, for whom the end is surely nigh. Arriving with 32.2 overs remaining, five down after Root played around a straight one during Wiaan Mulder’s three for 25, the all-rounder was stumped for nine off the wily Keshav Maharaj when trying a charging half-batted hack to a ball outside off.
As superb as Maharaj was in sending down 10 overs, two for 35 by preying on egos, this was a genuine howler from Livingstone, a player who only a week ago was saying how satisfying his lower order role can be. Although that was the same day he said that England felt their performance against Australia deserved to win.
Livingstone was also one of five members of the top eight to have been outscored by Jofra Archer in Pakistan. Two of them, Phil Salt and Jamie Smith, did not even make half the number nine’s 60 runs. The pair fell in similar fashion as England slumped to 37 for three inside the first powerplay, top-edges into the ring attempting to muscle pulls shots off Jansen.
This was a much slower surface than the one witnessed during the defeats to Australia and Afghanistan in Lahore; the kind that, having played here first up, South Africa respected more. There was also good reason not to go too hard at the paltry target, be it the injury that puts Markram’s semi-final in doubt or Archer knocking over both openers.
It was an eventful seven-over opening burst from England’s strike-bowler, a struggle with his line – some nine wides – interspersed by Tristan Stubbs, nought, and Ryan Rickelton, 27, having their zing bails lit up through raw pace. If nothing else, if not yet at 2019 levels, Archer ending this winter unscathed is a genuine positive for England.
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But thereafter Rassie van der Dussen, 72 from 87 balls, and Heinrich Klaasen, 64 from 56, took charge of the situation in a dominant stand worth 127 runs. Van der Dussen was the rock, catching up when the end was in sight, while Klaasen, back after an elbow, wielded his bat like it was Mjölnir by hammering 11 fours across the floodlit outfield.
There was little jeopardy to be seen here, just a hugely disciplined team clinically dispensing with another that looked utterly broken by the end. Klaasen did fall at the last trying to finish it off with a six, this honour instead going to David Miller. It marked home time for England, and who knows quite where for South Africa other than onwards.
